Baby IM back!

I have not written an entry about poker in a long time due to my absence from the poker seen but I thought I should slowly get back in it with this entry. Beware this may run on.. But the thoughts are connected and you will learn something when you finishing reading this, it may or may not relate to you, if you’re a poker player you may have experience the same.

I have been able to observe many things over the pass few weeks due to my lent for poker (which started in mid Feburary) and my sudden flu...

For the first time in a while I felt alive playing cards back at Bethune, but I didn't break my oath to god as I did not play for real money, but the rush felt good.
It may sound cocky but the rush of knowing that I was better than 80% of the people there, if not all.

I played a fun game with a long time poker player and killed him easily, would have been an easy 10$ game in 10 mins of play. But lent is still in progress.

I must say I miss the action.

But the break has been good so far, it has allowed more time for other things in my life, playing the guitar, working out and grades especially … that was the main reason, it was because I was so consumed with poker that I would wake up in the night and go to sleep in the day for months trying to make the grind. There were many ups and downs, many relationships loss like the one with Judy, another girl that I just pass through cuz poker became more important.

The past 3 years of my life was a grind for this game, if anyone ever doubted that I ever had passion for anything they don’t know what I did for this game. The time, money, and sacrifices that I had to give for this addiction were enormous. This game was my passion, but I realized that it was my true passion but a vessel that I could use to obtain it. I don’t care what anyone says, everyone out that is alive is looking for the FLOW.. Hustling, selling shit just to make a roll. Money is power. Shaq is rich but the man signing Shaq’s cheques is wealthy. And that is what my passion is... Is to be wealthy, when you start with nothing as a immigrant you got drive to do something and make that roll and get yourself a better life. Poker was the opportunity I saw and somewhere along that line I lost it. But I am determined to find it. Cuz tigers don’t change their stripes I am what I am... And I will do what I need to do to do what is right.

There are so many reasons of why people do this or why people do that but what really makes people mad is regrets but that is a human emotion that every has. I should have done that or I should have done this. The past is a fight in itself. But not against things we see but demons in us. The demons that makes you think twice, because you have this faint thought that something that has a likelihood of 99% chance of not happening will occur and make your day into a disaster. This is not a mindset that one can take to the tables… it is a disaster waiting to happen. And that is one of the reasons that I did poorly in poker when I had social distractions in the way.

But that was not the only reason why I wasn’t doing well at the tables, statistically I was doing great, up 6000$ in online and up 2000$ from a Niagara trip. But it was Port Perry that I would lose, and had many demons in me. As I thought that I actually went there with the mindset of losing. I have never been able to conquer Port. Everywhere else I profited except this casino. Why was it that every time I went there thinking that I was going to lose or was I trying to lose subconsciously? what was the deal? This question drove me insane.

In a sense I was truly trying to lose as I was not prepared to win . Winners are winners because of passion to win, the thought of losing sickens them and that is what makes a winner.

I may still be on lent but baby I am back and ready to climb back that mountain, the road is long but I gota gets that money.